Saturday, April 18, 2009

"A pain stabbed my heart, as it did every time I saw a girl I loved who was going the opposite direction in this too-big world."

I only stopped a few times but the best was when, after watching and being hypnotized by those lines, I pulled the car off the road and into a gas station in Pueblo, Colorado.
It was late then, maybe 9 p.m. or so, but I could still smell the chicken and beef in the air. The smell of other people's dinners always smelled good as I had none. I spent some of my last money on beer and some cigarettes. I needed to keep driving and food would have made me sleepy. Any food. But that smell of family-cooked steak, mom-made salad, dad-brought-beer, it nearly ruined me every time I opened the windows.

So I flat-out left Pueblo for the unmanned hills of America. There is that section there, in the heart of the most powerful place on the planet, where no one knows what is going on. They didn't know I was running, open beer in my lap, they didn't give me the "Johnny 99".

I was alone and I could have slept in the road with flares shooting out of my fucking pants all night and not a goddamned soul would have been able to even mutter the first words of "The Lord's Prayer" for my drunken ass before it was morning and I was sober again. It was just me and the road. Of course, my beautiful car took me there and I owe her everything; not leaving me for another driver nor judging me for cars I had driven before, she just purred on down the road.

When I hit the New Mexico line I knew that shit was going to get beautiful quick. I like the desert and I like being alone. I skirted Albequerque and Santa Fe. I made a line for Llano de San Juan. I had nothing to confess but I just loved being in the presence of greatness and beauty. I wanted to feel that red earth and have it know me, too.

When the sun set on the second day I was already deep into Chihuahua, Mexico.
I stopped the beauty there, too, on the side of the road at Ignacio Zaragoza, and I prayed for you.

I lit a candle for you and I did not declare my love to God; no.
I declared my love not for the Father, nor the Son, nor the Holy Spirit.
I prayed for my loves of you, my car and the open road.

God have mercy on your soul; your 9 to 5, rotting soul.

ps. Escape this all. Come with me.

-Love Sid

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