I wish I were Bill Benson.

I cried reading Bill Benson once.
It was after Toronto had lost in the playoffs; the final Canadian hope. The lone sentinel.
Bill watched the game in silence and when it finished and they had lost and Canada was done he walked out of his home and just flew away. It was beautiful. He just lifted his arms and was gone. I wanted to fly away, too, after that.

I was alone and drunk in the North of Japan. Bill Benson and I connected that day.
I was filled with a deep love for him that I had never noticed before, it just kind of crept up on me like that.

I saw that even he was as heartbroken as I and I loved him for showing me how he escaped it all, how he wanted to just go away.

I also wanted to fly away, to you, though.
I wanted you to tell me that it would all be alright and that I was good and that I was your bluebird and that we would have next year; we'd do it next year.
I needed solace and from seven thousand kilometers away Bill Benson gave it to me.

I wept and strode, hurriedly to the bathroom at school. They wouldn't understand why a comic would make me cry; they wouldn't understand the beauty and truth in that.

I smoked cigarettes and cut work, I told them I didn't have the stomach for it that day anymore.

When I went home that night I undressed and donned my Oilers jersey and drank two litres of sake.

I wish I were Bill Benson so I could fly away, too, from defeat, from anguish, from failed hope and sick hockey teams.

Thanks, Bill.

-Love Sid
xoxoxoxoxoxooxox

Chewbacca ~ Legendary Tales

"I just wanted to get away from them. But there was no place to go."

I fucked a ton and drank even more, in Japan.
I had girls sending me their pictures from work, full cuntal.
Does that make me a bad man? They just wanted my cock, can't blame them, really.
I out-sized thier dudes, 3 to 1, easy, like a called horse race.
Inside info. kills bets, yo.

Wait, what? You like that?
You mad?
Haha.
Fuck off, they came to, on me. They sent me shit that would make y'all blush.
I loved them and they loved me and we knew it was only for a short time. There were no hard feelings.

I liked to touch them like they had not, ever, been touched.
The fat cock was the cherry on the cake, though.
That was loved. I am sure monuments were built and burnt.
Cock. Fat, hard cock.
Yep, they loved it.
I fucked at least 12 married women while there; husbands ignoring them and kids screaming.
We went out and had a few and then I had to peel them off of the dick.
It's just the way it was.
Don't be mad, bay-be, cunt lovess me.
Can you blame them?
I can't.
In fact, it has made me the perfect fuck that I am.

Dig in.

-Sid Heart
xoxoxxooxox

"Oh, Jeb, what does pride got to do with guns? "

It has never troubled me too much that I can't write, nor have I been bothered by it.
The thing I hate the most is that when I level or plumb a wall I can't pin the plates in straight.
It could be the house
but usually I know it is just me, out by 5 or 6/8ths.
It's tough like that. It's enough to make me crazy and sometimes I just follow the grain of the 2x4 from factory end to my cut, just to focus.
Foundations and frames are funny like that, frustrating but necessary.
Fucking up is not really an option.

I thought about my friends tonight. My lovers and those with whom I share love.
I think it was about 8 p.m. when I packed in the Hilti. Nail guns are a challenge, for me.
But nailing, it's so real and instant with them.
A gentle push and it is in, deep. Although the recoil, man, is something to deal with.

I was drunk this past weekend and didn't do much but when I took that tool-belt this morning, strapped it on and went to work, well, there is no better feeling. The weight of my hammer, offset by the weight of my tape, knife and some duplex nails, shit, it just feels perfect. Not to mention that I could crack a walnut between my biceps; it feels good. I feel like a man.

We did some framing and then took a break.
I told my older brother about this site, to read the things I write here.
He said nothing.
I cared not, too. It just felt good to share these thoughts.
And I fear not the judgment of others; regarding carpentry or life.
I hit nails straight, I walk the same.

I love you.

I took this picture of The Queen of Mexico for you.

Goodnight.

-Sid Heart
xoxoxoxoxo

IT'S THAT TIME

Sky blue sky.

She wanted me and I knew it. I took her and spoiled her cunt.
And i knew that I was wasting your time and I laughed.
Fuck you for reading this.

" Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man."

It was cold and the elevators were all fucked. The one that worked was long and I had to wait for 10 minutes. I live on the 30th floor, so running down is done while really fucking high, or not at all.
Today I saw her, my perfect slave. She was short and plump, lip pierced and horn-rimmed glasses.
I would make her beg me to fuck her in the ass while I neutralized her in a head-lock.
Yesssss.
She looked at me long and I knew that she wanted cock.

There was only one elevator working today and the one I took stopped at every floor.
She got on a floor below me. I was already in banter, dry and aloof, with the Scottish doctor who lives on the 31st floor. We joked about rent and heat and when she got on I saw her watch me and that's when I knew I could make her do bad things.

She watched me and I knew she was fucking me in her imagination.
I wanted to say, "Take a number, baby.", but I have not had sex in a long time. Although I don't feel badly about it I do want to fuck, so I say nothing.
I was cute and funny for 29 floors and she bought it and we fantasy-fucked for 20 floors.
That's how I am calling in tonight.
But man, she was such a slut. I would tie her and would 20-to-10 bet my buddies to fuck her. She would be my whore, but I'd love her unconditionally.
And I would make her come every day and as much as I could.

We all joked and then parted ways when the elevator hit the lobby.
I had an erection and walked to the liquor store. It felt good to press against it and the streets were fine, warm even.

I hope the elevator breaks tomorrow, too.
I like the community and I want to eat the cunt of that fine young one I saw today.
I think I could fuck her glasses right off, I'd need her on all fours, though.
Then I would come deep inside her.

Happy New Year.
I hope you get your wee bits sucked.

-Love Sid Heart
xoxoxoxoxxoxoxox

"The greater part of what my neighbors call good I believe in my soul to be bad, and if I repent of anything, it is very likely to be my good"

I examined every bit of information, every clue, when I was 16. By 21 I was ruined. By 35 I am a wreck; if you like IKEA.
Fuck.
I am walking and digging it all and will not describe any of it.
I do know, though, that walking is all that matters, anyhow.
See you soon.

"Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss. Her lips suck forth my soul: see where it flies. Come, Helen, come, give me my soul again."

That's Sumiko on the right and Fumika on the left. I met them at the Sapporo Beer Festival. They worked as office staff for Toshiba, out in the stix, like Nopporo or something, I forget. But I do remember that Sumiko invited me to her apartment, Fumika came too. When we got there, we just drank beer and laughed. I did my best to explain "truth or dare" in Japanese and they were quickly into it. After an hour we were all drunk. Fumika kissed me once as a dare and then Sumiko had to match it. It was fun. I was hard and wanted to fuck.
They wore their summer yukata all night. We laughed together and did stupid things. I tried to balance an open milk-jug on my nose. After a while longer I dared Fumika to touch my cock. She took three drinks before she tried. Fumika was embarrassed, I could tell; her cheeks were flushed and her mouth hung open. Soon we all kissed.
After we had sex I got dressed and wanted to go. Sumiko wanted to exchange numbers and email, Fumika slept and I resisted and crept out into the black night.
I drove home that night, drunk as fuck, but I was so pleased at the random love I had encountered. I thought of it all night, and the next day too.
I love yukatas on the JR from Sapporo to Tomakomai.
I'll go back just for that, that headiness.